The 'Hero-Type' Host
by Klimmatt
Summary: A new mission. A new school. A host club? Wally and Dick might have bitten off a little more than they can chew this time...
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** So, continuing with my 'cleaning out my hard-drive' project... this particular fic has the subtitle 'Blame AllyMarton', as it was she who cruelly and with vicious aforethought introduced me to Ouran and then gave me the idea for a crossover when she knew that I had other projects in the works. For shame.

Still, this is actually one of the few fics I have that could actually be called 'complete', so I'll post up the chapters over the next week or two (it's not a very long one) and you can all enjoy. Just be sure to review!

* * *

There were few things in this world or any other that Wally West truly feared, either in his civilian life or under the guise of his alter ego.

Cats were one of these, though the exact circumstances of his development of ailurophobia were, for the most part, lost to him. What few

scraps he did remember were also not likely to be shared by his lips.

The Joker was another, as were the Rogues on occasion. When they reached that truly terrifying plateau of competence and desperation that reminded Kid Flash that, a;though none of the men that made up his uncle's primary foes were sadistic nor senseless killers, they were still perfectly willing to kill _him_ should the need and opportunity arise.

A flash of lightning was also likely to see him flinch reflexively and, if the expected clap of thunder followed too quickly, this flinch was likely to evolve into a jump and a decidedly unmasculine squeak would occasionally be heard.

Batman, however, was not someone that Wally feared. Anymore. His first meeting with the caped crusader had almost had him wet himself in sheer terror. But, then a year of friendship with Robin had led to learning the Dynamic Duos' secret identities, which was almost directly followed by the sight of Bruce Wayne being scolded by his aging butler after having set the kitchen aflame... whilst trying to boil _water_. Well, it was safe to say that that any fear had long since faded.

That was not to say that he suddenly enjoyed the Bat's company, of course. Though Bruce Wayne was a fairly kind and pretty darn cool parentalish figure when he visited the Mansion, Batman had a lump of coal lodged somewhere decidedly unpleasant (Wally was certain that a cursory examination of the Wayne Manner plumbing system would turn up diamonds).

Quite frankly, the only reason Wally actively chose to remain in Batman's presence was usually because of either Robin or the Flash, and he dreaded any occasion where the two were forced to interact in costume.

Of these interactions, he dreaded none greater than a summons, delivered by the Flash himself, to report to the Cave at 9am on a Saturday.

Of course, that's not to say he was stupid enough to ignore it.

Barry led him speeding through the streets of Keystone City, away from the warmth of his loving bed that he already missed so dearly, to the alleyway tucked behind an old video rental store that had been struggling more and more in recent years, only to finally admit defeat back in 2008.

It was here that the Keystone City zeta-beam transmitter was hidden, the one in Central being located rather audaciously beneath the Flash Museum. And it was here that Barry and Wally stepped casually through the blinding light only to emerge half a continent away, in Mount Justice of Happy Harbor, Rhode Island.

And there, waiting for them, was the Dynamic Duo themselves.

"Hey, Wally," Dick greeted him playfully, raising a hand for Wally to slap with enthusiasm as he approached.

"Rob," Wally returned happily, whilst Barry made a mildly more formal greeting to Robin's mentor.

"Bats," Flash grinning openly. "I talked to Mary and Rudy and they seem okay with it so far. After I showed'em the brochure they were just about ready to shove the Kid out the door, but we'll get to that later."

"Huh?" Wally eyed his uncle cautiously, recognizing his grin as one that was usually applied to the Rogues... right before the Flash cleverly sprung from whatever trap they had attempted and handily handed them their rears. "What's going on?"

"What, you didn't hear?" Robin snickered as he jerked his head towards his mentor. "They've got a mission for us."

And just like that, the dread was gone, replaced by a quiet thrum of enthusiastic energy bubbling within him.

Batman was Batman, and would always be Batman, but a mission was a mission.

* * *

Naturally, for a briefing from the Batman at least, someone had gone through the time and effort to create a slideshow presentation to help convey the relevant information.

They stood in the open area of the Cave, the presentation displayed by the various holographic projection arrays. Wally had briefly wondered where the rest of the Team was, particularly Zatanna, Conner and M'gann, who made Mount Justice their home, only to be informed that the witch and the aliens had been lured from the Cave on this not quite so merry morn. This was a mission specific to himself and Dick.

Wally was feeling more than a little bit smug at that.

And so, reasonably sure that they were not about to be interrupted, Batman began the briefing.

"This," he stated calmly, showing several images of a sprawling estate. "Is Ouran Academy. Known and accepted as the top educational facility in all of Japan and much of Asia besides, with private fees to match."

"That's a school?" Wally blurted unthinkingly, taking in the sight of extravagance and architecture that he had never before seen equalled. "No way. That's a mansion. Hell, that's three mansions!"

"At one point it was," Batman nodded simply, ignoring the interruption. "Now it's the playground for the children of Japan's elite."

"...wow," Wally breathed, dreaming fleetingly of the facilities such a school must possess.

"I know," Dick muttered his agreement. "It's actually a few steps up from Gotham Academy."

"Moving on," Batman clicked the small remote and the image changed, this time revealing an eclectic group of teenage boys, students judging from their uniforms, who each smiled gracefully at the camera. "This is the Ouran Host Club, and your mission."

Dick raised an eyebrow curiously behind his mask. Beside him, Wally did the same. Both waited, uncharacteristically patient, for Batman to elaborate.

And so he did, changing the image behind him to focus on one of the boys, bringing his face to fill the screen and bringing sharp focus to blond hair and blue eyes that contrasted oddly, if pleasantly, with his otherwise asian features.

"This is Suoh Tamaki," he explained. "In his second year at Ouran and both the head and founder of the club. His family owns interests in numerous corporations, but is best known for their heavy involvement in Japanese education, providing funding for numerous schools across the country. Although there is a degree of contest in regards to the legitimacy of his parentage, he is currently set to inherit."

"This," he moved on to the dark-haired, bespectacled young man. "Is Ootori Kyouya. Also a second year. His family are the leaders of Japanese healthcare, ranging from cutting edge medical research to hospital administration and spa resorts. His inheritance is also likely to be contested, due to the fact that he has two older brothers, but rumor has it that his prodigious intelligence and ability will eventually lead his father to choose him as his successor."

"Hitachiin Hikaru and Kaoru," Batman brought up the image of two red heads, identical only for the parting of their hair, devilish smiles aimed at the camera and their backs to one another. "First year students at the academy. Their father is a highly successful software designer, whilst their mother is perhaps the single most influential individual in Japanese fashion at this time."

"Haninozuka Mitsukuni and Morinozuka Takashi," he moved on to another pair, this time another blond- this one with a small and childlike appearance- and a tall, dark-haired youth who looked impassive as stone and just as solid. "Cousins in their third year. Haninozuka is set to one day inherit the Haninozuka Dojo which has, at one point or another, trained every military organization in the world in the art of hand-to-hand combat. Even my own instructors proudly claimed membership with the dojo."

"Additionally," Batman added. "Both Haninozuka and Morinozuka are classified as Human Weapons of Mass Destruction by the Japanese government for their abilities in both armed and unarmed combat."

Now that got a reaction. Most costumed individuals were technically classified as HWMDs in their own right, but to hear of a private citizen holding the title was all but unthinkable.

Batman nodded to himself calmly, secure in the knowledge that that revelation would get Robin and Kid Flash to take the briefing a touch more seriously.

"So, what?" Wally asked uncertainly. "Are they evil? Do we get to go beat up a bunch of snooty rich kids? 'Cause I'm not gonna lie... I'd really enjoy that. Uh, no offense, Dick."

"None taken," Robin replied calmly. "Most rich kids I've met are undeniably snooty and we all know I'm a simple circus boy at heart."

"Simple is right," Wally smirked, before suffering a quick blow to his shoulder.

"The mission, such that it is, pertains to the seventh member of the club," Batman brought up the image of the final boy, this one with light brown hair and far softer features than the rest. "Fujioka Haruhi. First year. An honor student, sponsored for scholarship by LuthorCorp."

Here, Wally raised skeptical brow. Had it been anyone but Batman, he would have commented on the fact that LuthorCorp offered out scholarships at the drop of a hat as a desperate measure to try and improve their public image. Hell, they'd even offered him a scholarship. Twice.

As it was Batman, however, he kept his mouth shut through an enviable force of will.

Dick, though equally understanding of his mentor's predilection for generally being accurate in his paranoia, also wanted him to get to the point.

"So?" He asked.

" _So_ ," Batman stressed, bringing up a second image, this one of a young Japanese girl with long brown hair and contrasting it with the picture of Fujioka. "This is what she looked like before she started attending Ouran. Once she arrived, she cut her hair and began dressing as a male, remaining so consistent and convincing in her deception that the majority of staff are convinced that Fujioka's previous records merely hold a clerical error. And then she joined the Host Club, forming an association with six students who could one day inherit social, economic and possibly even military control of all of Japan."

Wally blinked as he compared the image of the girl on the left and the boy on the right, finding that they were most definitely the same person. "Huh."

"Okay, gotta admit," Dick admitted with a nod. "That's suspicious."

"My point," Batman grumbled. "Luthor has scheduled a trip to Japan at the end of next month, at which time he will be meeting with any LuthorCorp scholarship students in the area. The current evidence suggests the possibility that he is using Fujioka to spy on these families, or else otherwise use them to increase his own influence in Japan. A worst case scenario could potentially even include the mind control technologies so recently implemented by the Light."

Wally and Dick shuddered in unison at that. The battle against their mentors had been nightmare inducing. But the thought of that technology still being out there...

"And..." Wally drawled cautiously. "What exactly do you want us to do about it?"

Batman leveled his gaze calmly at the younger speedster. "I believe you were recently offered a LuthorCorp scholarship to the school of your choice...?"

Here Wally nodded hesitantly. LuthorCorp had unveiled the scholarship as the grand prize for the Kansas State Science Fair a month back. Wally had rejected it, of course. Officially claiming that he wasn't ready to leave home in order to pursue his education, whilst privately abjectly refusing to have anything to do with Conner's second daddy.

"I believe it would be wise for you to reconsider their offer."

* * *

The mission, such that it was, was fairly simple in its implementation. Wally and Dick were to independently transfer to Ouran Academy, just in time for the new trimester, and to investigate the suspect students. Dick, as the ward of Bruce Wayne and the heir to an industrial empire in the States, would seek membership with the Host Club, so as to keep an eye on the boys themselves and to try and determine this 'Fujioka's' method of manipulation. Wally, on the other hand, was to befriend her during regular school hours as a fellow scholarship student adrift in a sea of the rich.

As far as the world was concerned, Dick Grayson was being sent to a foreign boarding school that supposedly boasted a security system that several bank vaults would envy, on the grounds of a recent kidnapping attempt that his guardian would prefer not to repeat. At the same time, Wally West was graciously accepting LuthorCorps' generous offer to pay for his future schooling, claiming that he had rethought his previous stance and felt that he was mature enough to leave the nest, citing that he had heard amazing things about the facilities found in private schools and a long held desire to travel.

It had been awkward as hell to pose with Lex Luthor for the papers, but such were the sacrifices that had to be made. More awkward was meeting the man in person.

"I have to admit, I was surprised to hear you'd chosen to take us up on our offer," the CEO of LuthorCorp and alleged criminal mastermind (a combination of obscene wealth and the lawyers such wealth could afford had so far prevented any convictions - to date none of his supposed crimes had even made it to trial) said, as the photographer checked and double-checked his shots, his voice as smooth as silk.

Wally smiled uneasily, doing his best to appear nonchalant, "What can I say? When you guys offered to send me to any school in the world... I don't know, it took me a while to realize what an opportunity I was throwing away. I'm sorry I didn't accept sooner."

"Oh, it's no trouble at all," Lex assured him, laying a hand genially on Wally's shoulder. "I remember the first time I was shipped off to boarding school. Far from home, in a country that wasn't even my own, I spent the first month doing absolutely nothing but moping around missing my mother. But then I realized the opportunity my father had given me... not only were the facilities top of the line and the academic programs outstanding, but the boys that made up my classmates were also set to inherit the world. One day, they could be either my fiercest rivals or my greatest allies."

"Really?" Wally forced himself to ask. "I didn't really think of that."

"Oh, yes," Lex smiled fondly in remembrance. "Make the right friends in high school and you can take over the world. I have to ask though, why Ouran Academy?"

Wally smiled awkwardly, "I read an article that said it was the best school in the world and I thought- y'know, if you were really willing to send me anywhere..."

"Then you might as well get the best," Lex laughed, clapping Wally's back proudly. "Oh, that's the spirit. You know, Wallace, I already knew that you had a good head on your shoulders, but keep that attitude and you will go far in life. Just be sure to keep our card and I'm certain that we will have a very profitable future together."

It took everything Wally had not to vomit right then and there. As it was, he still had to scrub himself down heavily as soon as Luthor was out of sight before he could even begin to feel clean again.

* * *

Dick Grayson was in a particularly good mood. After two years of sneaking around, hidden meetings and always wearing those damn sunglasses, Richard John 'Dick' Grayson and Wallace Rudolph 'Wally' West were going to be staying together in the Ouran Academy

dormitories, their rooms only just across the hall from one another.

Finally... _finally_ , Dick Grayson, former circus boy and current Gotham socialite-in-training, and Wally West, Keystone City nerd forever and always, would have a chance to legitimately meet. Finally, they'd actually be able to be friends without anyone questioning it.

They'd be able to go out and eat, or see movies or whatever without having to avoid being seen. They'd be able to introduce each other to their own friends (and finally stop having to talk about their 'friend from out of town'... Dick knew for a fact that Wally was still getting weird looks about that) and they'd actually get to hang out.

Sure, it might be a little weird at first, but still, Dick was grinning like a loon.

Even if the mission turned out to be a total nightmare, or worse... a total bust, Ouran Academy was going to be the best thing that had ever happened to him. He was even okay with taking a few weeks off of 'Robin' for it.

* * *

With LuthorCorp and WayneTech handling the majority of the relevant paperwork, Wally and Dick were officially meeting for the first time just two weeks later, just a single day before the start of term, in the school dormitories.

Dick was pleasantly surprised when he saw the rooms they'd be staying in. Easily comparable to his own rooms at Wayne Mansion, he had absolutely no trouble kicking off his shoes and diving into the mass of comforters and pillows that made up his bed.

Wally, on the other hand, was somewhat terrified to actually touch anything in the room he'd be staying in. After all, it wasn't like this stuff was Batman's... if he broke anything here, he might actually have to pay for it! A conservative estimate of the expansive floor rug alone was made at fifteen flobbity-jillion dollars and, given that Wally had no way to either confirm nor deny that claim, he was assuming it as a fact and acting accordingly.

Dick noticed Wally's apprehension and, naturally, mocked him for it, just before dragging his friend out to survey the grounds. They'd need to know the school inside and out before classes started.

As they toured the grand building, stopping in to check the Olympic-level swimming pool, the hedge maze, and a certain music room they'd be keeping a close eye on in the coming weeks, Wally asked Dick a question he'd been holding in ever since Batman had given them the mission.

"What are we doing here, Dick?"

"Well, right now we're checking out the cafeteria because you're way to paranoid about what they'll be serving," Dick laughed offhandedly.

"Like you can talk to anyone about paranoia," Wally scoffed. "And you know what I mean. Bats could've sent J'onn here for a mind-scan if he thought Luthor really did have any spies."

"Not right now he couldn't," Dick corrected pointedly. "The Lanterns kidnapped him for a mission somewhere near Alpha Centauri. And you know how J'onn gets about 'invasions of privacy' and all that jazz."

Wally rolled his eyes. "And M'gann couldn't've done it?"

Dick shrugged unhelpfully, "She's not as precise as he is? And she doesn't know Japanese? I don't know. I stopped questioning Bruce a while back. All I know is that he must think it's important that we be here, so we're going to do what's expected of us."

"Get drunk on cheese and turn this place into a discotheque the likes of which the world has never seen?"

Elbowing Wally's gut, Dick stifled his own chuckles at the imagery presented. "We're going to complete the mission."

"No duh," Wally snorted. "I just spent the last three weeks dedicating myself to learning Japanese. I shook Lex Luthor's hand to get a place here. You think we're going home without seeing this through after all that? The world now believes that I have actively associated with that man!"

Dick grinned, "Your Japanese is getting better? Great, now girls'll be turning you down in two languages."

Wally waved the thought away, "Please, the ladies love me like you wouldn't believe."

"You're right," Dick agreed solemnly. "I wouldn't believe."

"And speaking of," Wally eyed him curiously, "Where did you pick up the language of the land of the rising sun? Bat-training can't be that extensive!"

Dick's only reply was a negligent shrug. Wally was his best friend in the world, but he had to keep some secrets.


	2. Chapter 2

Walking the grounds with Dick the day before, Wally had allowed himself to follow his friend's casual lead regarding the sheer exorbitance of everything surrounding him. Without him, however, Wally found himself handling the finery that was the facilities of Class 2-A, from the carpets of the floor to the desk he sat at, the costs of which he couldn't even begin to estimate, with something akin to terrified reverence.

The uniform that cost more than his father made in a week wasn't helping matters.

As other students slowly began to trickle into the room though, and Wally observed his supposed peers treat their class with the same relaxed disregard Wally would his own back in Keystone, he finally let himself at least rest his hands upon the finely lacquered surface of his desk.

He had chosen a seat in the back row in an attempt to avoid the eyes of his classmates, allowing him to discreetly survey the student body as the lessons began, selecting the space directly adjacent to the windows in the hopes that the view would be able to entertain him when the class and this early stage of his surveillance inevitably failed to.

For the moment, at least, his eyes had already rested on two of his targets as they sat at adjacent desks near the front of the class, easily identifying the sole head of blonde hair in the class as Suoh before noting the bespectacled student next to him as Ootori. As he watched idly, he wondered what it was that Suoh seemed to be informing his friend of so animately.

In the next moment, Wally felt his blood run cold when Ootori, seemingly at Suoh's insistence, coolly raised his head, turning his neck back just enough to cast his dark eyes directly to meet Wally's own, his hand rising to adjust his glasses as he moved in order to prevent any impairment to his vision. The uncanny gaze unnerved him a little, but there was something about that slight twitch of Ootori's lips that disturbed Wally in ways that so very few people could.

* * *

Waiting patiently for their teacher to arrive, Kyoya briefly entertained himself by reviewing the Host Club's itinerary for the first week of term. As it was the first day back, today was a rather _special_ occasion. Tamaki had decided on a Shakespearean theme for the club's return before the break had even begun. Not that Kyoya minded, of course. The first day of school was a wonderful opportunity to attract new customers, and the expenses of themed cosplay were always likely to be returned with great interest by their appreciative patrons.

Granted, it was likely (almost certain) that Tamaki had chosen the Shakespearean theme merely as an excuse to dress himself and Haruhi as Romeo and Juliet (the Twins, as per Kyoya's request, were waiting until _after_ club activities had finished for the day before informing their King of the play's ending), but, again, Kyoya was hardly disapproving. Haruhi's 'crossdressing' tended to be rather popular with the Host Club's regular clientele, and Kyoya knew she was likely to pick up a few more regular customers with today's session.

As per his notes, he would need to get Tamaki to the Music Room with minimal dawdling once classes had ended for the day, which was likely to be somewhat difficult. First day of a new term always meant a new student or two at Ouran, and Kyoya was well aware that there was one in Class 2-A alongside them. That meant Tamaki would want to introduce himself.

Now _that_ was something of a chore.

Ordinarily, that was no real problem. In fact it was generally a _good_ thing. Tamaki's displays often served as superb advertising for the Host Club. But the costumes always required at least an extra ten minutes or so before the Club could open for business... not to mention the extra five minutes or so it would take for Tamaki to stop fawning over Haruhi's rare instance of feminine dress. Given the Victorian dress she would be wearing and the fact that her character was the lover of Tamaki's, however... Kyoya figured he should triple his estimate. 'West Wallace', it seemed, would have to wait.

A poking at his side caused Kyoya to peer obligingly in Tamaki's direction, closing his notebook shut as he did so, his eyebrow raised tolerantly with only a hint of warning.

" _Kyoya_ ," Tamaki whispered, his voice and expression harsh as he raised a hand to hide the movement of his lips from anyone positioned behind them in the class. "Be very cautious... I believe that one of those dastardly Hitachiin devils has chosen to infiltrate our classroom. For what nefarious purpose, I am afraid I know not, but it is clear that we must take action against him!"

Kyoya's eyebrow, through a combination of exerted willpower and simple desensitization, did not rise any higher.

"Excuse me?" He asked tiredly, giving Tamaki the chance to explain himself before his concerns were outright dismissed.

"In the back corner," the blonde whispered. " _Don't look!_ I believe he is watching our every mo- _NO_ _!_ "

Casually disregarding his friend's advice, Kyoya did indeed look in the direction Tamaki had indicated. He found himself eye to eye with the young man who had unknowingly been accused of the absolutely appalling crimes of both spying and being a Hitachiin.

Although... Kyoya had to admit that he did at least look the part. Bright red hair kept stylishly short, swept back as though he had only just been out running against the wind. A lithe physique, tall and thin. An angled, impish face with eyes that, when not panicked at least, could possible sparkle with mischief. To the uninformed, Kyoya could certainly see the mistake being made.

But Kyoya's brief analysis could also see the differences. Broader shoulders that suggested a more solid strength than the Twins. Green eyes rather than amber and more vibrantly red hair. Freckles dotting his face, and skin that spoke of a full blooded Caucasian, rather than the Hitachiin's biracial heritage.

Oh yes, different from the Twins, certainly. But Kyoya could easily see possibilities... he only wondered why it was that the school's latest scholarship student had been observing Tamaki so closely, and why it was that he seemed so panicked to have been caught doing so.

Smirking to himself softly as the other boy very pointedly looked down to his desk, the beginnings of a blush illuminating his cheeks, Kyoya decided that perhaps he could convince Tamaki to introduce himself to the school's newest student at lunch rather than waiting, as he traditionally preferred, for classes to end.

After all, he thought, their clients had responded so well to Kasanoda's requesting of Haruhi... from the looks of it, it could be well worth the effort of introducing this boy to the Host Club's services.

"I wouldn't worry about him," Kyoya said simply to ease Tamaki's fears. "I saw both Hikaru and Kaoru on their way to class just a few minutes ago. That, I believe, is the new scholarship student from the United States, West Wallace."

"A new scholarship student?" Tamaki asked, fears forgotten in place of rampant curiosity. "Another commoner? Like Haruhi? I should introduce myse-urk!"

"At lunch, perhaps," Kyoya said simply, his iron grip around Tamaki's wrist preventing the other boy from leaving his desk now that their homeroom teacher was entering the class. "For now, I believe, class is in session."

* * *

One floor below and several rooms across in Class 1-A, Dick found his mission going far more smoothly.

Having chosen a desk two seats back and one to the right of Fujioka, placing himself directly behind one of the Hitachiins, Dick found himself close to the center of the classroom, where he attracted a good deal of attention when his teacher, a lovely looking woman who introduced herself as Souma Noriko, asked the class to welcome him to the academy.

Dick smiled brightly under the eyes of his classmates, doing his best to introduce himself properly in lightly accented Japanese, giving a brief thanks to Alfred and the international components of Wayne Enterprises.

Overall, Dick believed the day to be going rather well, even if it was still only early morning. His teachers were very understanding of the fact that, Japanese being his second language (actually fourth, but who's counting?), he might experience some difficulty with the coursework. Going from the glances he was getting, a number of his classmates seemed intrigued by the new American student... from what he'd observed, Fujioka and the Hitachiins were not yet a part of that group, unfortunately, but hey, so they hadn't looked back yet. That was fine. In all honesty, he hadn't really expected them to (though it sure would've been nice if they had).

He'd give them a day or two to see if they made any moves... words couldn't describe how perfect it would be if they introduced themselves to him, but Dick figured he could try and buddy up with some of his other classmates in the meantime. See if he couldn't steer the conversation in the direction of the Host Club.

Noticing the attention of a blonde girl a few seats away, who may well have been the only other Caucasian student in the room, Dick gave a smile, idly wondering if she would know anything about his targets.

* * *

As the morning classes progressed, Wally found himself immensely grateful that he'd be back in Keystone in little more than a month. Whilst Mathematics and Sciences were largely universal across cultures, the brief tastes he'd gotten so far of Japanese History and Literature made it clear that he wasn't likely to be receiving any honors in either subject without putting in a lot more study time than he really had available at the moment.

His Japanese just wasn't yet fluent enough to truly grasp the subtleties of the written word, and he lacked pretty much all of the basic knowledge expected of a high school second year in regards to the history of the country. Really, his knowledge in that area was largely limited to a few B-grade Samurai flicks.

So, when the bell for lunch finally rang, Wally was nearing a state of euphoria. And then Suoh appeared at his desk.

"Gah!" Wally squawked, stepping back suddenly and backing into his own chair as Suoh leaned uncomfortably close, an unidentifiable emotion blazing in his clear blue eyes.

"Hello, you must be West Wallace!" He smiled brightly, hands moving to grasp Wally's own before shaking enthusiastically, his voice melodic and clear. "I am Suoh Tamaki, President of the Host Club, and I must say what a pleasure it is to have you attending our fair Ouran."

"Now, I realize that things may be difficult for you," Suoh, still as enthusiastic as before, but taking on a heavier and almost melodramatic tone. "I understand that, coming from a commoner background, you have led an impoverished life. Our ways may, in fact, seem strange to you. But I, Suoh Tamaki, want you to know that I will be most delighted to guide you through this difficult transition."

"However, in order to best teach you, I must first know you," Suoh declared. "So please, West-kun, tell me... what is life like as a commoner?"

Wally stared at Suoh Tamaki, heir to one of Japan's most influential families and one of the primary targets of his mission. He stared blankly, mouth agape as he tried to process what had just been said.

"Did..." he stuttered uncertainly. "Did you just say 'commoner'?"

"I'm afraid you'll have to forgive the outburst of my associate here," Ootori appeared at the blonde's side, pushing his glasses slightly up the incline of his nose to better rest upon his face. "Tamaki is a touch... overenthusiastic, though I assure you he means well."

"Yes, I have only the best intentions at heart," Suoh announced grandly. "I only wish to understand your impoverished plight so that I might better aid in your and Haruhi's transition into _normal_ society, and-"

"Like I said," Ootori interrupted, placing a warning hand on his friend's shoulder, even as Suoh continued to speak loudly, unaware that Wally's attention had left him. "You'll have to forgive Tamaki... and myself as well, it would appear. I am Ootori Kyoya, and it is a pleasure to meet you, West-kun."

"Uh, thank you?" Wally responded hesitantly, completely and absolutely bewildered.

Suoh, it seemed, had completed his speech in time to hear Wally's words, and immediately attributed them to himself, "It is my absolute pleasure, West-kun. And fear not... under my wing, I will see that you are transformed into a healthy and productive member of society. Why, from this day forth, you may even address me as 'Ki- _urk_."

Suoh was interrupted yet again when Ootori pressed lightly against his shoulder, pushing him just off-balance enough to be distracted from his attempts to induct Wally as his apprentice.

"What my friend means of course," Ootori told Wally pleasantly. "Is that we understand that your move to Ouran might be difficult, especially coming all the way from America"

"Although," Ootori mused, a finger placed thoughtfully at his chin, "I _do_ seem to recall that we received another American student recently."

"Really, Kyoya?" Suoh's eyes lit up all over again. "Such a fortuitous coincidence."

"Although I don't believe that the Wayne heir shares West-kun's background," the light in Suoh's eyes diminished somewhat at that, whilst Wally gulped nervously. Not that Ootori seemed to mind. "But, back to my point, I understand that you may find the transition somewhat trying and we would be only too glad to offer assistance should you ever require it."

Drawing a small card from his pocket, Ootori handed it to Wally with a cool smile, "In fact, our club is meeting this afternoon in Music Room #3. Please feel free to stop by... I'm sure that either Tamaki or myself would be delighted to continue our conversation there."

"Yes!" Suoh agreed enthusiastically. "Be sure to visit. Why we're even sure to stock a variety of commoner brands of coffee, including the most intriguing and surprisingly delectable 'instant' brands."

With that said, Ootori began to lead Suoh away from their stunned classmate, who, after a moment of uncertainty, hesitantly looked down at the card in his palm, reading the characters outlined by a flowery motif with trepidation and confusion.

Ouran High School Host Club

Music Room #3

 _We'll be waiting for you..._

* * *

With lunch just beginning, Dick marched somewhere behind the majority of his classmates on their way to the cafeteria, keeping a vague eye on the Hitachiins and Fujioka. As he walked, he chatted happily with the blonde from his class, who had introduced herself as Renge and finding himself unable to believe his own luck.

They'd barely even exchanged names before Renge had started comparing him to a character from some game or another, at which point she had then proceeded to link that character to a third one and a different game besides. Just before he had the chance to back away nervously, Renge had then gone on to link a few more characters together before finally starting to speak in earnest about one 'Miyabi' and his supposed real life counterpart, Ootori Kyoya.

That had gotten Dick's attention. With barely even the slightest prodding, Renge was now gleefully and completely revealing to him every interaction between the various members of the Host Club that she had witnessed over the past three months.

Granted, Dick wasn't entirely sure exactly how much use this information would serve him in respects to the Host Club's interrelations given Renge's clear talent for... uh, 'artistic license'. But it did tell him that, if nothing else, the Host Club was a popular (probably, he'd need to corroborate that), well respected (also needed corroboration) and, in fact, adored by the student population (he'd really have to find a girl who wasn't clearly in love with half the club to give him a more rounded view).

Still, despite her eccentricities, Renge was serving to be a potentially useful font of information and Dick was loathe to make a poor impression on someone who could be vital to the success of his mission. Which is exactly why he was so very much _not_ pleased when Wally came sprinting out of nowhere.

"Hello! Hey, sorry, but I need to borrow Dick here," was all he said, speaking to Renge with a charming smile and a friendly, if rushed, tone. Before the sentence had even been complete, Wally was already grabbing him by the arm and dragging him off with barely another word, leaving Renge with nothing but a dissipating cloud of dust to remember them by.

Not that Renge minded in the slightest, of course. In all honesty, despite his foreign flair and ability to tolerate her waxing poetic about the Host Club, Dick had come dangerously close to boring her before his lover appeared from the ether in a jealous tiff and dragged him off to be ravaged in some dark corner of the school.

Bringing her hands demurely to blushing cheeks, Renge practically melted at the implications...

* * *

In an attempt not to cause a fuss and create an even bigger scene than what had already transcribed in the cafeteria, Dick allowed himself to be dragged from the cafeteria without so much as a single protest. Or, at least, not until Wally had taken them down two hallways and sufficiently removed them from the eyes of their classmates.

Planting his feet solidly on the ground and using his free hand to grasp at a convenient bannister, Dick forced his friend to halt in his path before exerting himself in order to drag Wally away from his chosen course and through the open door of the nearest classroom.

Eyes scanning the room reflexively to find nobody present, he then turned to a Wally that was quite literally vibrating with pent up energy and seethed.

"What the hell was that!?"

" _Dudewe'resodead!_ "

"Speak English!" Dick reminded him irritably, reaching up and slapping the back of his skull to make the point that normal people couldn't keep up with 'Gibber-rush' like those of the Flash Family.

Shaking his head clear before taking a deep, calming, breath, Wally forced himself to slow down enough for him to make himself understood.

"We've been made," he explained as he grabbed onto Dick's shoulders, now slowed to a single step away from panic. "They know we're here and now they want me to meet them after school so they can sleep me with the fishes!"

" _Whoa_ _!_ " Dick held his hands up placatingly, slowly gripping Wally's arms and removing them from his person. "Slow down, will you? Just tell me what happened."

"Ootori and Suoh," Wally responded immediately, letting Dick move his arms before withdrawing them on his own. "I don't know how they did it, but they read my mind or something! They caught me spying on them before class and then they started talking to me a few minutes ago and they were talking about me moving here and how _surprised_ they were to be getting a scholarship student all the way from _America_ and how _lucky_ it was that _someone else_ from America was _also_ joining the school..."

Wally was stepping back up to panicking again as he thrust something into Dick's hand and continued, "So they gave me this and said to meet them after school and now they're gonna kill me and I'm still way too young to die!"

Dick didn't immediately respond as Wally bemoaned his fate, already starting work on verbally composing a Last Will and Testament. Instead, Dick found himself utterly transfixed by the words of the card, primarily those reading 'Ouran High School Host Club' and the suggestively written ' _We'll be waiting for you..._ '.

Looking up slowly to find that Wally had come to the conclusion that the majority of his earthly possessions should go to Superboy in the vain hope that it would help the clone grow a personality, Dick gazed at the slightly older boy, utterly amazed.

"Dude," he said uncertainly. "I don't think they want to kill you."

"What?" Wally snapped. "Did you not hear me? They totally caught me out! They're going to _murderize_ me!"

Carefully eyeing the card in his hand again, Dick responded, "I'm really not so sure about that."

"What do you mean?" Wally asked, simultaneously hopeless yet hopeful. "Why else would they want me to meet with them?"

"Well, uh..." Dick said slowly, unsure of how to ease Wally into his conclusion. "You said they caught you staring at them, right?"

"Yes!" Wally told him, terrified. "They know they're being spied on! The mission's been made!"

"Unless..."

"Unless?" Wally positively jumped on the potential for an alternate explanation, preferably one where he was blameless of all potential wrongdoings. "Unless what?"

"Unless..." Dick awkwardly explained. "Well, they are part of a Host Club, aren't they? I mean, you'd kind of think they're used to being stared at... maybe they just think you're... _interested?_ "

"...interested?" Wally repeated, his expression slowly shifting from terrified to blank as his mind tried and failed to process this new information. "They think I'm..."

"A potential customer? Maybe?" Dick turned thoughtful at the idea. "You know, this might be a good thing..."

"What? How?" Wally snapped back into alertness. "They think I'm-"

"A _customer_ ," Dick interjected, comprehension dawning. "Man, why didn't we think of that earlier? We could've gotten Zatanna in to- wait, no, she doesn't speak Japanese, does she? Hmm..."

Dick looked Wally's form up and down with a critical eye, "It could still work though?"

"Work? What do you mean, 'work'?" Wally asked, suddenly feeling very nervous. "You can't mean..."

"You could go in and get a firsthand account," Dick grinned, excited. "Talk to the club members, the guests... you'll have to keep your guard up in case they really are using mind control techniques, but I'll stay on the lookout for any sudden changes in your personality and M'gann's only a phone call away if we need someone to scrub your brain, so-"

"Are you kidding me?" Wally returned indignantly. "I can't- they wouldn't... I'm a guy!"

"Yep," Dick nodded chirpily. "Luckily, it looks like they don't care all that much. If even half of what Renge was saying is true..."

"But I can't-"

" _Duuude,_ " Dick moaned. "C'mon, it's not like you'll actually have to do anything. And we could get some great intel on the workings of the Club!"

"That's supposed to be your job, though!" Wally said accusingly, jabbing a finger in Dick's direction to punctuate his words. "I'm supposed to get close to Fujioka!"

"And we can both still totally do that," Dick nodded. "But, c'mon dude, you've just been handed a _written invitation_... how can we _not_ take advantage of that?"

"But... but..." Wally whimpered pitifully at the dawning realization that Dick was not about to be convinced and, no matter what Wally might think, if the Boy Wonder took the matter to Batman, it would be him who'd sound like the unreasonable one.

Moaning softly as his hands rose to meet his face, Wally felt a crushing wave of inevitability flow down upon him as he accepted the fact that, yes, he was going to the Host Club this afternoon and, yes, Dick was _totally_ going to tell everyone when this was all over and done with.


	3. Chapter 3

After a depressing lunch hour and spirits only somewhat lifted by food, Wally returned to his classes to deal with an afternoon that involved an inordinate amount of Suoh intermittently glancing back at him.

Wally genuinely had no idea how to react to that behavior, primarily as it was meant to be _him_ who was spying on _Suoh_ , and not the other way around.

Still, when classes had finished for the day, Ootori had all but dragged him away before Suoh had been able to get any more words in and Wally was left to dread his likely to be very much unenjoyable after-school activities.

Remaining in the class for a good ten minutes, putting off his undesired plans as long as he could with the excuse of going over what few notes he had made throughout the day, Wally eventually resigned himself. Packing his books away with a heavy sigh, he began to make his way through the halls of Ouran, tracking down Music Room #3 with an ease that made him regret Dick's predilection for preparation.

Standing in the spacious hall, Wally hesitated as long as he could before the ornate door of the Host Club's base of operations, slowly curling his hand into a fist and reluctantly knocking on the solid oak.

* * *

Within the Music Room that was so rarely utilized for its original purpose, the Host Club was in full swing, with each of the young men in full Victorian dress paraphrasing Shakespeare to their appreciative guests.

Tamaki was beside himself, barely able to contain his joy as he and Haruhi reenacted Romeo and Juliet's famous balcony scene (Haruhi's appearance in her gown thankfully making up for her abysmal acting skills). Hani and Mori took their own parts as Puck and Oberon with varied severity, with Hani gleefully playing the role of the fairy trickster, though bringing a more innocently childlike quality to the role than perhaps was originally envisioned, whilst Mori made for a stoic king, perhaps not the best fit for the title 'King of the Fairies' perhaps, but given that the costumes consisted of loose silk trousers, flowing cloaks and not a thing besides, none were complaining.

In their own corner, the Hitachiin brothers were avid as Viola and Sebastian, greatly enthused by their roles of estranged twins who had created quite the comedy of errors in Viola's usurping of her unknowingly still living brother's identity.

Few of the girls present had actually read the play in question, but those who had were gleefully trying to decipher whether it was Hikaru or Kaoru playing Viola (with all of the associations that went with the feminine role), not the least bit discouraged by the twins' identical dress.

When the knocking of the door announced a new guest to the scene, the twins exchanged a brief look of confusion, distracting them momentarily from their act. Traditionally, the Club's customers were known to simply open the doors, the sheer act of entering being more than enough to garner the Hosts' attentions and guarantee they were seen to. And, given that Kyoya had assigned the pair of them to handling the arrivals for the day, that meant that it was _their_ turn to answer the door and send the new girl off to her preferred Host.

Still...

"Our apologies, ladies," Hikaru offered halfheartedly, as Kaoru elaborated.

"But our duty calls," he explained with a sigh, "Though, truly, we wish it did not."

"Don't despair, Kaoru," Hikaru whispered to his brother, loud enough for their audience to hear as he leaned in close, his voice only then lowering tantalizingly to a register that the girls could not properly decipher as his lips came all too close to brushing against Kaoru's ear.

Whatever had been said, they noted, faces aflame, it was enough to lighten Kaoru's spirits as he smiled.

"Thank you, Hikaru..." he returned, his voice at that same level of barely audible whisper.

"Kaoru..."

"Hikaru..."

"Kaoru..."

In the corner of his eye, Kaoru noted that Kyoya's gaze had turned upon them and smartly realized that it would be best if he and his brother stopped dragging things out if they wished to avoid the Shadow King's recriminations. Swiftly wrapping things up with another apology for their customers, he and Hikaru were soon making their way to the door.

Shoulders touching as they reached the handles, the Hitachiins grinned devilishly as they pushed the latches and pulled the doors apart, separating from each other in order to frame the room to their guest, giving elegant bows as they spoke their greeting in uncanny unison.

"Please come in. We've been waiting for you~"

As their eyes rested upon the Host Club's newest arrival, Hikaru and Kaoru found themselves speechless for the first time since the discovery that Haruhi was able to differentiate between them. Standing in the doorway, as hesitant as any first time guest, was... was...

The Twins turned to face one other, wordlessly meeting each other's questioning gaze before turning back to the interloper, who seemed content to remain as silent as they.

As one, the Twins stepped forward, maneuvering to circle the now stunned still guest as they examined him from all angles. Hikaru eyed the flaming red hair curiously as Kaoru approximately measured his height. Hikaru evaluated the width of his shoulders and hips while Kaoru studied the structure of his face and the emerald gleam of his eyes. All the while, he stood there, stunned into silence and likely too confused by their audacious behavior to move.

Hikaru and Kaoru continued their examination uncaring of this, and largely oblivious to the fact that the entirety of Music Room #3 had fallen silent as they observed this unusual spectacle put before them.

Completing one last circle of their very much confused guest's frame only to come to rest on either side of him, Hitachiin Hikaru and Kaoru took one last, long, look at the boy standing between them, their eyes roaming from the tips of his toes to the top of his head, before meeting each other's eye once more, having finally passed judgement and confirming it with a deliberate nod.

"Big brother!" They cried out together in cheer, much to the detriment of Wally West's current understanding of life, the universe and reality as he knew it, just as they came together, Wally still between them, and entangled him seamlessly into an embrace that rose the base temperature of their audience by a full 2 degrees.

When the doors to the Music Room opened so abruptly, combined with that echoing call of 'waiting for you...', Wally only barely restrained himself from breaking the sound barrier in a mad dash for, well, anywhere that wasn't exactly right there.

But he _did_ restrain himself, fighting his Fight of Flight instincts and forcing himself into the rarely so wise third option of 'do nothing'. Just in time for a pair of red haired clones to meet him in the now open doorway.

Now, logically, Wally was able to recognize the 'clones' as the Hitachiin brothers. However, given that Cadmus _was_ apparently in the market of actually making red haired clones in surprising quantities, he would maintain that his initial theory was perfectly valid and, given the nature of his mission, should probably be looked into now that he thought about it.

Still, his totally rational fears sated for the moment, Wally was milliseconds away from returning the Twins' greeting with his own, almost certain to be _far_ more awkward and considerably less rehearsed, reply, when their sudden movement put him on edge.

Suppressing his Fight or Flight response yet again, Wally forced himself not to react when they closed in on him, beginning to circle him fluidly, their movements possessed of an almost feline quality that only served to put him even more on edge.

 _'_ _Thinkofthemissionthinkofthemissionthinkofthemission...'_ the mantra repeated itself throughout his mind. Even if these guys were _seriously_ freaking him out, things would go _so_ much smoother if he could make a good impression here and now. Which meant that actually freaking out and possibly offending somebody could very much be placed on the 'Bad Plan' list.

And then the cry, 'Big Brother'... did they seriously think he was their _brother_?! Wally barely had the time to even begin to try and wrap his head around that when the Twins came at him from both sides, arms entwining seamlessly around his torso as their bodies crashed against his in a very uncomfortable way.

With the way his brain was currently warring between the needs of the mission and his needs for personal space and logic to reign supreme, it is quite likely that not even that would have been enough to tip Wally over the edge. But then one of the little devils' hands surreptitiously slipped somewhere south of the equator, so to speak, and Wally's control broke like a burst dam.

Spinning frantically, tugging various limbs free of the Twins' octopus-like grip, Wally pulled himself from their grasp, spinning back around to face them, unwittingly putting his back to the rest of the Host Club as he fervently backed away from those he perceived as threats.

"What the hell?!" He exclaimed furiously, his face flushed red in a combination of anger and embarrassment. "Who are- what the _hell_?!"

With the speed of Kid Flash, Wally could sprint through a rainstorm and come out the other end bone dry, but he was helpless to avoid the pouncing grasp of the Hitachiin Brothers, the pair of them managing to bring Wally to the floor as they dove upon him with matching grins.

All eyes were on the three boys as they wrestled and writhed on the hardwood floor of the Host Club, one trying desperately to escape the vice-like grip imposed on him whilst the others worked hard to keep him entrapped, nuzzling in almost a parody of affection with each chance they got.

Onlookers found themselves unable to tear themselves away from the display put before them, cheeks heating in excitement when, in the midst of the struggle, Hikaru and Kaoru somehow managed to tear the buttons from the older boy's shirt, rending the material and exposing his chest.

In that instant, Wally's eyes flashed dangerously and he ceased in his attempts to escape. The Twins, misinterpreting the action, were encouraged as they gladly began to relax in their positions atop the boy, ready to put on a performance for their guests that would bloody the noses of their entire audience. And then Wally moved.

No longer trying to escape their grasp, Wally was now instead single-mindedly focussed on bringing pain. Arms darted out with speeds that would make a striking cobra seem like a sauntering snail, latching on to the collars around the Twins' necks.

" _Gurk_ ," was all that they managed to say before Wally shoved powerfully, jerking his body upright in the same motion and doubling the strength of the assault, sending the Twins up and off of him to land painfully on their own rears, momentarily stunned by the aggression as Wally slowly and pointedly brought himself to his feet, his shirt hanging open.

A collective gasp was heard, emerging from the lips of the guests at the sight before them. Hikaru and Kaoru sitting almost pitifully before the newcomer, a foreigner whose exposed chest revealed pale skin dotted with freckles and toned abdominals. But what drew the eyes of the audience was something rather more jarring.

Covering the right pectoral was a weblike network of white scar tissue branching downwards from the shoulder, partially hidden under the folds of the foreigner's shirt.

"Uh," Haruhi asked uncertainly as the newcomer's green eyes flashed furiously. "Should we do something?"

"Honey-senpai, Mori-senpai," Tamaki's controlled tones cut sharply through the silence. Those in question acted immediately.

As Wally took one step towards the Twins that had now been designated 'prey', Haninozuka and Morinozuka appeared before him, Honey's eyes fierce as the cousins stood in defense of their juniors.

Wally stopped. Though he had initially doubted Haninozuka's status as a Person of Mass Destruction, he had since been shown footage of exactly what had happened to a U.S. military base that had slighted the boy, and now his self-preservation instincts were beating out his desire to enact vengeance.

That pause gave him just enough time to clear his head, to remind himself that destroying the Twins, though satisfying to levels that Wally was not even fully certain he understood, would create _immense_ troubles for the operation. And being destroyed in turn by Haninozuka and his cousin also wouldn't help much either.

Thinking quickly as he forced himself calm, he planned an escape route.

"I need to go," he said, his face a mask of neutrality and already walking swiftly for the door, brushing past Morinozuka only to find himself blocked by Ootori, whose glasses glinted dangerously in the light. "Sorry."

"I think not," Ootori stated simply, his Shakespearean dress taking not a single iota of seriousness from his tone, nor making him any less feared by those who had managed a conversation with him where his own profits were not at risk.

"Ladies," he announced, his voice still perfectly calm as he addressed the room, his eyes never leaving Wally's. "I'm terribly sorry, but I'm afraid that the Host Club will have to close early today whilst we properly greet the Hitachiins' elder brother and allow them to reacquaint themselves after this bout of joyful roughhousing. I'm sure you understand?"

It wasn't a question, and Wally was certain that within seconds the room would be emptied of teenage girls who were far too happy to obey the Shadow King's words. As those bespectacled eyes rested upon him, Wally felt a similar desire that stemmed more from fear than anything else.

But Wally had never been ruled by his fear. In another life, he would have made an excellent Green Lantern.

"No, it's fine," he insisted, shouldering past Ootori as ice gripped his heart. "I'd hate to deprive these lovely young women the pleasure of your company. I'll take my leave."

He walked steadily to the door, the room around him frozen in uncertainty, only to, after the heavy doors had been firmly closed behind him, frantically sprint towards Dick's dorm room.

Things were now officially so bad that Wally could already hear the sounds of Batman chewing him out.

* * *

Dick walked to class slowly the following morning, his face grim and his stride stiff. Last night had not been at all pleasant.

Wally had not exactly been forthcoming with information, but had admitted the truth and reluctantly told him how the Hitachiin twins had managed to provoke a less than favorable reaction that had turned the remainder of the Host Club against him.

The two of them had been up half the night just trying to figure out how to resolve the situation.

At the very least, Dick supposed, they hadn't lost much. Really, they'd only missed out on an opportunity that they hadn't expected in the first place. Although it might not be possible for Wally to ingratiate himself with Fujioka after the impression he'd made, the mission might possibly still be salvageable.

Dick would simply have to hasten his efforts to infiltrate the Host Club, and here Wally's newfound status as their enemy might actually work to their advantage. Depending on their animosity, Dick and Wally might even manage to stage an altercation that would place Dick in the Club's good graces.

It might work, but if the Host Club truly did believe that they had just found a new enemy, they could very well close ranks and make it much more difficult for another newcomer to join their select group.

He sat himself down in his classroom, his ears pricked for any chatter his classmates might offer concerning the altercation of yesterday afternoon.

Renge, just two desks away from him, did not fail to disappoint and a smattering of keywords reached him.

'Hitachiin', 'Brother', 'American', 'Fight', 'Scars' and ' _Hot_ ' caught his attention, and Dick quickly abandoned the subtleties of his surveillance in favor of the far more efficient method of 'asking'.

Things weren't adding up quite the way Wally had suggested.

* * *

If Dick had been grim, then Wally was the very picture of misery as he trudged along to his own class. He walked, eyes downcast, ignorant of the chatter and glances of those around him until he came to he found himself seconds from collision with another body and was forced to come to a halt.

Looking up, Wally felt a stab of recognition run him through before the taller Suoh assaulted him without provocation, arms encircling his torso with a crushing strength and tears flying freely from his eyes.

"West-kun!" He cried. "I am so sorry for your loss. For the difficulties you have faced in your young life. Surely you are a brave soul, to shoulder such burdens so diligently, and to carry them for so long with neither complaint nor protest."

As he spoke in prose the likes of which Wally had never thought possible, Suoh retreated from his assault, bracing his hands upon Wally's shoulders as he met his gaze, his own eyes blazing with certainty.

"But know this," he continued, his intonation noble and absolute. "From this day forth, I, Suoh Tamaki, am your King. And I will hereby pledge any assistance you may require. I and your new family will be there for you in recognition of all you have done for our dear Hitachiin Brothers."

Tipping his head lightly in respect, arms flung wide, Suoh finished proudly, "Welcome, my dear Wallace, to the Host Club."

Around him, students broke out into hushed whispers, with the tones carrying everything from awe and admiration to a few rare cases of incredulity, all the while Wally stood there, completely and utterly flabbergasted.

As he was about to begin his first of many, _many_ , questions, Wally was cut off by the bell signaling the beginnings of the day's classes and, despite being perfectly willing to ignore such a thing until he got the answers he so desired, his classmates felt differently and Wally found himself being ushered through the door and forced to quickly find his seat.

Throughout the entirety of the morning's lessons, Wally paid not the slightest bit of attention to his teachers, his gaze resting solidly on Suoh Tamaki, who made many such glances in his direction in return.

Focused as he was on the blonde 'Prince-type', he completely missed Ootori Kyoya's calculating eye. He would regret that come lunchtime, when the 'Cool-type' host had managed to distract Suoh, along with the rest of the class, well enough to corner him in the classroom when everyone else had left for the cafeteria.

Wally did not know how he managed to get the roaming eyes away from him, but he was curious to learn the trick. He knew for a fact that not even Dick could manage something quite so discreetly when all eyes were already bearing down upon him.

"Hello again, West-kun," he greeted neatly, his ever present notebook held in the crook of his left arm. "I'd like to apologize for all the commotion surrounding you since yesterday. I'm afraid that the Twins aren't exactly all that familiar with the word 'restraint'."

"D-don't worry about it," Wally stuttered, the Shadow King unnerving him once again.

"I hope you don't mind if I impose upon you further," Ootori asked graciously. "But I was actually hoping to offer you a position, if you were so inclined."

"...excuse me?" Wally was trying, really trying, to give a more eloquent response, but the interactions of the day were veering far off course from what had been predicted.

"Tamaki _did_ offer you a place in the Host Club, did he not?" The Shadow King's gaze peered over his glasses. "I realize that, after yesterday's... _altercation_ , you might find this disagreeable. I was hoping to convince you otherwise."

"Wait," Wally was finally starting to gather his bearings. "Is _that_ what that was? You guys actually want _me_ in your club...?"

"Why, certainly," was the simple reply.

" _Why_?"

"Oh, several reasons," Ootori responded, calm and honest all the while. "Some new blood would help us attract new customers. You possess an exotic flair that I'm sure many of our clients would enjoy, and you've already garnered the attention of much of the school."

"Also," Ootori's smile turned strained. "The Twins have something of a knack for storytelling as well as their previously mentioned lack of restraint. Together, they have managed to talk us all into the proverbial corner."

Wally blinked. "They what?"

"Well..." Ootori frowned as he searched for the right words. "They told tales about you. Quite fantastical, really. They've actually composed quite the drama based upon your resemblance."

Wally blinked, his brow furrowing and his eyebrows meeting at the bridge of his nose.

Ootori sighed. "Put simply, they've told many of their clients that you are their elder half-brother, who protected them for years from the heavy handed abuse of your father, before their mother, apparently your stepmother, left, taking the Twins with her to their supposed stepfather and the decadent lives that they currently enjoy, leaving you behind due to a terribly handled custody agreement."

Again, Wally blinked. "What?"

"I know, it _is_ a little extreme," Ootori waved him off. "Even for them. But their clients seemed to respond well to it, not to mention Tamaki, and it would be poor showing for the Host Club if you failed to act in accordance to the role they have assigned you."

Wally stared, his mouth agape. " _Seriously?_ "

"Of course, I understand that you might be hesitant," he allowed. "Whatever poor taste the Twins may have left in your mouth aside, you _are_ a scholarship student and there are your grades to consider. But I can assure you that your time would be well compensated."

"Compensated, like... _payment_?" Wally was dumbstruck. "You want to _pay_ me to join your club?"

"Well, in an _ideal_ situation, you'd lend your time and energies simply because you desired it," Ootori shrugged. "Of course, this situation is hardly ideal. In case you were wondering, Haruhi is under a similar arrangement."

"Wha- really?" Wally's eyes widened. Fujioka was _paid_ to be there?

"Oh yes," Ootori nodded simply, taking quiet note of the fact that West had known Haruhi's name without prompting. "Haruhi accidentally destroyed a rather expensive vase of ours early in the year and has been working for us as a Host in order to work off the debt by way of a weekly wage based on the number of clients seen. We could, of course, arrange for _actual_ payment in your case."

"Assuming, that is," Ootori smirked, a quiet challenge entering his tone that rarely failed to affect those around him. "That you are up to the task."

Wally gulped as the Shadow King's gaze bore into him, his mind working a mile a minute as he processed this new information. If what Ootori was saying was true, then Fujioka's circumstances could well be purely coincidental. And, of course, there was always the possibility of a more involved infiltration than had initially been theorized, but that would be hard to tell.

More immediately concerning, Ootori's offer was almost too good to be true. He'd get full access to the Host Club and he'd even get _paid_ for the privilege. But that access cut both ways...

There was a reason it was _Dick_ who was meant to infiltrate the Host Club. He had _years_ of experience when it came to showing people only what he wanted to show and Wally wasn't sure he could hold up under scrutiny. _Especially_ not if the Twins grabbed his ass again.


	4. Chapter 4

"Dude, our problems are solved!" Dick cheered as he burst into Wally's dorm room. When exactly he'd gotten around to having a key made, Wally didn't know (he'd probably gotten it before Wally even had his). "They want you in the club!"

"Correction," Wally told him, somewhat smug. Dick may well have been better suited for the job, but that didn't mean Wally wasn't a little proud to have beaten him to it. "They've _got_ me in the club."

" _Dude!_ " Dick guffawed. "You're _in_. You're in a _Host Club_. Oh, Artemis is _never_ going to believe this."

"Hey," Wally frowned. "Why wouldn't she?"

"Dude, seriously?"

"Ah, forget it," Wally waved it off, his confidence and cheer fading as other issues entered his mind. "Actually, we might have a problem. When Ootori was recruiting me, he mentioned that Fujioka only joined the club because she broke something early in the year and she's gotta pay them back. She's basically an indentured servant or something."

"What, seriously?"

"Seriously."

Dick frowned, his brow furrowing as he turned thoughtful. "That's... not what we expected. Maybe it was part of her infiltration scheme? I mean, the club was only founded last year. But, other than Fujioka - and now you I guess - they kind of stuck with the group they started with. Maybe she thought she needed an in? But that's a risky play..."

"Maybe," Wally brushed a hand across his brow. "I'm reporting to the club tomorrow afternoon, so I'll fish around for answers then. Apparently they want to do the whole 'get to know you' thing before I officially join."

"Well then," Dick snorted. "Good thing we've still got Plan A."

* * *

Wally sat in a decadent lounge chair, designed to optimize the comfort of the user whilst simultaneously appearing as a fine art piece, all the while feeling just as tense as he had the first time he'd come face to face with Captain Cold at the tender young age of thirteen.

He'd spent most of the day fielding uncomfortable questions concerning his relationship to the Hitachiin brothers, doing his best to maintain a vague but familiar air about him as per Ootori's instruction. It hadn't been as hard as he'd thought, actually. Everyone he'd met either believed the Host Club without question or wanted to anyway, so his own lackluster performance was simply interpreted by his audience to various ends, adding different flavors to each telling that Wally didn't much like thinking about.

On the plus side, his suffering seemed not be for naught. With the twins distracting themselves as they waited, Ootori forcing Suoh to assist with the minutia of bureaucracy his status as 'President' demanded and the third-year cousins yet to arrive so that the meeting could begin, Fujioka Haruhi had sat in the chair opposite Wally's, content to wait in silence.

Beginning to fidget as the silence dragged on, Wally decided to end it, justifying his impatience with the knowledge that, well, he was _supposed_ to be pumping Fujioka for information anyway.

"So," he began, breathing deeply as he tried to think of a good opening line, only to draw a complete blank and improvise. "You must be Fujioka... Mr. Luthor mentioned you when I got my scholarship."

"Oh? You're here on scholarship too?" Fujioka's otherwise bland expression gave way to mild surprise.

"Yeah..." Wally said uncertainly. "Wait, you didn't really think I'm the twins' brother, did you?"

"No," Fujioka admitted offhandedly. "But I kind of thought you being a scholarship student was just another part of the story, y'know?"

"I guess," Wally shrugged, summoning his courage. "Actually, it's weird. There must've been a mixup or something, because I could've sworn Mr. Luthor said you were a _girl_."

"Oh, I am," she smiled, completely oblivious to the fact that all action in the clubroom had ceased upon her utterance of these words. Wally, however, was not so oblivious and quickly grew anxious. Particularly since Haninozuka and Morinozuka had just stepped through the door.

Wally gulped, keeping one eye on the Hosts, all of whom stared unwavering in his direction.

" _Oh?_ " He asked, voice rising a couple of octaves.

Behind Fujioka, Wally saw the Hitachiins rise from their seats, only to be halted by a raised hand from Ootori.

"Yeah, it's a long story," Fujioka waved him off. "But I don't really care if people see me as a guy or a girl, y'know? And it's easier to work off my debt as a Host rather than an errand boy."

"Ah," Wally nodded as though the statement made perfect sense, relieved to see that the twins were no longer moving towards him. Haninozuka and Morinozuka seemed placated as well, which left Suoh the only one left to contend with.

" _So_ , you've learned of our club's hidden flower," the President inserted himself between Wally and Fujioka. "Eh, West-kun? Alas, I knew that we could not hide our darling Haruhi forever, but I hope you understand the faith we are showing by trusting you with her true identity. Fortunately, as Hikaru and Kaoru's elder brother, you have already proved your worth time and time again and-"

Fujioka frowned, cutting him off. "You _do_ know that he already knew, right Tamaki-senpai? You didn't trust him with anything."

She turned back to Wally. "And I thought you weren't actually a Hitachiin?"

"I'm not," Wally told her quickly, not noticing as Suoh retreated to his preferred corner of woe after Haruhi's comment. "But for some reason he won't let up about it."

"Don't worry about Tama-chan," Haninozuka approached, a stuffed pink bunny in his arms and a smile on his face as Morinozuka shadowed him. "He means well, but he doesn't always listen too good. Okay, Wa-chan?"

Wally blinked in confusion at the unfamiliar name before he realized that Haninozuka was addressing _him_.

"Wa-chan?" He repeated uncertainly, the childish combination of syllables felt bizarre on his lips.

"That's okay, right?" Haninozuka asked, suddenly uncertain, his eyes shining as his lower lip actually started to _quiver_. "You can call me 'Honey-senpai' if you want?"

Wally suddenly heard Dick's voice in his head, which was weird, because he was almost certain M'gann was at least a continent away. 'You're infiltrating. You're _infiltrating_. They can call you whatever they want!'

Wally made a quiet note to have a talk with his brain sometime in the future. If his conscience was using Dick's voice rather than Uncle Barry's, then it might be something to worry about.

"Okay... Honey-senpai?" Wally nodded slowly, as Haninozuka smiled, dimpled cheeks on full display.

"And Takashi is 'Mori-senpai'," he nodded to his much taller cousin, who grunted what Wally assumed was his agreement.

"Got it," Wally nodded again.

"Yeah, West-senpai," Fujioka seemed to agree. "If you're going to be in the club, we might as well be buddies. You can call me 'Haruhi' if you want."

"Only if you drop this 'senpai' stuff," Wally told her, immediately latching onto the idea with the fervour of a drowning man being offered a life preserver. "Just call me 'Wally'."

Fujio- _Haruhi_ smiled thinly, uncertain of the implied familiarity. Suoh was glaring from his corner, ready to rise.

"Actually, I meant to ask you," Wally noticed her discomfort and tried to redirect the conversation in a direction she, and the rest of the club, would be more at ease with. As with most academics, his first thought was towards, well academia. "In order to keep my scholarship, I need to keep my grades up. But I took a look at the coursework for History and Japanese Literature and it is _nothing_ like what I've done back in the States. I don't suppose there's any chance you could help me study some time?"

Haruhi blinked. "Shouldn't you be asking Kyoya-senpai and Tamaki-senpai? They're in your class, aren't they?"

" _Maybe_ ," Wally allowed, hesitance clear in his tone. "But, _well_..." Wally trailed off glancing over towards Ootori and then Suoh. Haruhi followed his gaze to spot Kyoya typing calmly away at his laptop and see that Tamaki had gone back to tearing up bits of newspaper for his corner.

"On second thought," she reconsidered. "Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea. What are your better subjects?"

"Oh, maths, chemistry," Wally smiled. "I'm actually a bit of a science whiz."

"Oh? Okay," Haruhi returned the expression. "Maybe we could help each other then. Ever since I joined the Host Club, it's been harder to find enough time to study."

"Bah, studying," the Twins arrived, one of them speaking. "Could you guys _be_ any more boring?"

The second one picked up where the first had left off. "Let's talk about something a little more _interesting_ , eh, Bro?"

Wally watched his supposed siblings with the same cautious eye he applied to the Trickster and Robin come April 1st. "Like what?"

"That scar on your chest," one of them leaned in close, poking at Wally's shoulder through his blazer.

"Where'd you get it?" The other asked, head tilted as he peered from a distance, as if trying to see through the material. Wally had to remind himself that there was no evidence that any of the club members had superhuman abilities, let alone X-Ray vision.

"Looked painful," the first offered, more stating it as a fact rather than showing sympathy.

"But a hell of a conversation starter," the second allowed.

Wally grit his teeth, closing his eyes and counting to ten, only to find that it wasn't doing as much to calm him as Dick had promised and considered that maybe counting at speed was lessening the intended effects.

"I got struck by lightning when I was twelve," he explained, his voice tight and controlled. He never much liked thinking about that night. "It was _not_ fun."

Haruhi looked almost ill at the thought.

"Can we work with that?" The first one asked, looking to his twin.

"I'm not sure..." the second seemed deep in thought, biting at his thumbnail as he considered the options available to him. "Maybe we tried to run away from mean old Commoner Daddy and got caught in a thunderstorm. And Big Bro here got struck when he came out looking for us?"

"Or maybe Commoner Daddy jabbed him with a live wire as punishment," the first offered back. "Because he kept covering for our misbehavior?"

"Hikaru," said the second- Kaoru? Maybe?. "We're going to have to think about this..."

Wally could only stare in horror as these little monsters assigned his loving father the role of 'Demonic Child Abuser'.

"No, no, _no_!" A shrill voice emerged, only barely preceding the grinding of heavy gears.

"What. The. Hell." Wally stared, mouth agape, as a circular platform rose from the floorboards, perched atop it a familiar looking girl in the Ouran uniform.

Haruhi spared him a brief look of pity and a shrug. "Welcome to the Host Club."

"This is _unacceptable_!" Renge made her opinion heard loud and clear as she stepped down to the floor and approached the Twins. " _He_ is going to be your Brotherly Protecter? He doesn't _fit_!"

"We're working on it, _Otaku_ ," Hikaru. Wally was pretty sure that that one was Hikaru. _Hikaru_ waved off her concerns.

Renge dismissed Hikaru's objections with the same care, gesturing towards Wally as she continued her tirade against him. "Look at him! Does he seem cool and aloof? Knowing and wise? While at the same time capable of driving anyone who opposes him into the ground? Of course not!"

"Hey!"

"The 'Brotherly Protector' is a subset of the 'Cool' and 'Wild' character archetypes," Renge insisted, gesturing towards Kyoya and Mori respectively. "There are variations, of course, for the 'Mischievous Devils' and 'Princely' older brothers, but I think it's perfectly clear that he doesn't meet _either_ of those standards either."

"I'm sitting right here..."

"Yeah, this happens a lot," Haruhi offered softly, a strained smile on her lips as Tamaki, roused by all the activity, resurfaced at Renge's side.

"Hmm," he mused thoughtfully, a finger tapping at his chin as he ran a critical eye along Wally's form. "Renge, you may have a point."

"Kyoya!" He snapped suddenly. "I need a full report on West-kun's personality. We need to find him a character archetype!"

"No need," Renge held up her hand to stay the club president, smiling modestly. "I've already done my research. Back in Keystone City, he was something of a loner. Isolated by his intelligence and flaky personality, few of his classmates had much to say about him."

"Ex _cuse_ me?" Wally interjected, growing angry as the situation turned further and further from what he had expected of the meeting and delved deeper and deeper into things he preferred be kept _private_. "How would you even _know_ that?"

"I stalked your Facebook page and messaged some of your former classmates," Renge shrugged, as though it were nothing. Wally was very disturbed by the notion that for her this might be just that.

"Anyway," Renge continued, focussing on Wally now that he had drawn her attention. "These character traits most commonly define the 'Geek'. Intelligent, but socially awkward and an absolutely _terrible_ archetype to base a Host on. _However_..."

"Yes, yes...?" Tamaki prompted, hanging on the girl's every word. Hikaru and Kaoru were much the same, if only for the entertainment value provided by Renge's exuberant speeches, flamboyant style and their King's reactions to such.

Wally had given up on trying to defend himself and had now resorted to sulking in his chair, trying to wish the world back to the reality that he had thought he had known.

"However, West-senpai _does_ seem to break the mold a little, which gives me a new idea," Renge mused. "His impressive physique and sudden but short-lived burst of violence against the Twins... his choosing to surrender to Honey-senpai and Mori-senpai and leave peacefully rather than fight it out... Strange scars, mid-year transfer and statistically improbable fiery red hair..."

"It's _obvious_!" She announced, as Wally found himself staring cross eyed at the finger that had suddenly appeared mere millimeters from his forehead. "He's a _Hero_ type! Even the lightning strike... it's a perfect origin story!"

Wally blinked, heart suddenly pounding so hard in his chest that he was amazed no one else seemed to hear it.

"Actually," Kyoya interjected, suddenly sounding rather interested. "As I recall there _is_ a young hero in Central City, located not far from Keystone. The younger partner of the Flash, I believe."

"Really?" Tamaki and the Twins were suddenly at Kyoya's sides, gazing intently at the screen of his laptop which displayed an image of Kid Flash for their examination. "Wow, he even kind of looks like him..."

As their gazes shifted slowly from the screen to Wally, Wally himself was finally relieved to have found himself in familiar territory.

"Yeah, it's weird, I know," Wally shrugged, making a mental note to Zeta back to Central ASAP and make sure Kid Flash was seen. "I even got kidnapped once when some nutjob thought he figured out who the Flash's sidekick really was. You should've seen his face when Flash Boy came running through the door to rescue me."

Actually, that had been Roy dressed up in Wally's uniform. The switch wasn't one that could hold up under scrutiny, particularly since Roy was a good deal taller and could _not_ duplicate Wally's abilities, but just having them seen in the same place at the same time was enough to alleviate most suspicions.

Just having that one instance on record was a godsend. As it turned out, there weren't a lot of green-eyed redheads in the general Central City area, let alone teenaged boys of a similar build and with known proclivities towards all things Flash. Wally had been deflecting 'Secret I.D. Busters' since he first adopted the cowl, and the Host Club were no different than his former classmates.

Actually, barring Kyoya, they were a lot more gullible. And Kyoya wasn't likely to accuse him of anything without hard evidence and a profit margin anyway.

Of course, just because they believed him, that didn't mean that they weren't still going to cause him... complications.

Tamaki's eyes were sparkling with anticipation as he raised a finger to the sky and announced proudly to his subordinates, "We have found West-kun's character archetype! We could stage false dangers so that he might heroically rescue his clients who dream of the knight sweeping the fair damsel off of her feet..."

Haruhi raised her brow in disbelief. Why wouldn't someone in such a dangerous situation just rescue themselves rather than wait for someone else to do it for them?

"Why stop there?" Kyoya's eyes, much like Tamaki's, were sparkling behind his glasses. Although Kyoya's anticipation was for something far more material. "If we are to be unveiling our new 'Hero-type' to our customers, why not go all out?"

"All out?" Hikaru repeated, while Kaoru asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well," Kyoya shifted his glasses slightly as he began his proposal. "Before we begin offering a 'Hero-type' host, why don't we first test the waters with a Hero-themed afternoon?"

"'Hero-theme'," Tamaki tapped his chin thoughtfully, considering Kyoya's words. Glancing around the room, from host to host, his mind suddenly flashed as inspiration struck and the Ouran blazers were superimposed with an entirely different kind of uniform. "Of course! We can celebrate West-kun's induction to our ranks with a Justice League themed ceremony!"

"Mori-senpai as Superman!" The president exclaimed, his arms flourishing wildly. "Kyoya as Batman! With Honey-senpai as the adorable Robin... wait, if Honey-senpai is to be Robin, then perhaps Mori-senpai would be a better fit for the senior half of the Dynamic Duo?"

"Hmm..." Tamaki seemed perplexed as he thought over the conundrum, gazing from Mori, tall and strong - the only Host suited to Superman's form - to Kyoya, so dark and mysterious, the perfect Batman! And then on to Honey, so joyful and innocent... who else could better portray the playful Robin? "Oh, if only Superman had a sidekick..."

Wally firmly kept his mouth shut as Tamaki debated the quandary with himself, trying his hardest to neither let his confusion get the best of him nor laugh in hysterics at the thought of Honey-senpai portraying Robin.

"It's okay Tama-chan," Honey smoothed the dilemma easily enough. "Kyo-chan and I can partner up this time. Takashi doesn't mind playing by himself every now and then."

"Hm."

"Very well!" Tamaki smiled widely, wheeling around to focus on himself. "I, of course, will be the modern Robin Hood, the Green Arrow, so that Haruhi might be-"

"No." Haruhi's voice was flat, stopping her senior cold as she sipped at her tea.

"But you didn't even let me-"

"No way in hell, Senpai." She repeated in much the same tone. No to the fishnets and _no_ to the heels.

Tamaki slumped, looking for all the world as a child who had just been told that Christmas was not coming this year. "Very well, then you may be-"

"Perhaps Mr. Zatara might better suit Haruhi?" Kyoya cut in before Tamaki could suggest Wonder Woman. While normally not averse to Haruhi's 'crossdressing', there were limits to what their clients would believe and sticking her into a skintight leotard would be pushing it past the breaking point.

With the Master of Magic, the tuxedo-styled uniform would perfectly hide the slight feminine curves inherent to Haruhi's form. Plus, she could always pull Usa-chan out of a hat.

"What about us?" Hikaru asked, slinging an arm around Kaoru as he leaned into his brother.

"Red and Green Arrow," Renge answered immediately, explicitly reminding everyone that she was still there. "No other pair on the League is as impassioned with forbidden love..."

"But... _I_ was going to be Green Arrow..." Tamaki had begun to pout. Fortunately, Kyoya already had the solution.

"You can be Aquaman," the Shadow King offered. "He _is_ the King of the Seas, after all. Just as you are the King of our Club."

That seemed to appease him, at least a little, but, now that the ranks had been filled, attention turned back to Wally.

"And for you, our new 'Hero-type'," Tamaki beamed proudly. "Of course, we've saved the best for last. _You_ will be..."

Wally sighed. He'd hoped they'd forgotten about him, but at least they were giving him the best position. Of _course_ he'd be-

"The Green Lantern!"

...wait, what?

"Shouldn't I be the Flash?" Wally asked before he could stop himself. The very idea that his uncle _wasn't_ first choice for 'the best' had short circuited his common sense and made him forget his current tactic of staying silent and hoping that the Host Club simply forgot about him. With their attention spans, he figured he'd had a decent shot.

"Don't be ridiculous, West-kun," Tamaki waved him off. "The Green Lantern is an intergalactic peacekeeper... whilst the Justice League maintains the safety of our world, he is out rescuing _galaxies_ from the nefarious plots of evildoers! A Hero among Heroes such as he can only be properly represented by our newly discovered 'Hero-type!'"

"And besides," Kyoya added plainly, in contrast to his peer's exuberance. "This is an event for which you are to be _presented_. We cannot allow you to hide your face behind a cowl..."

"Exactly!" Renge agreed. "The domino mask of the Green Lantern will provide a more 'classic' look for you new heroic style!"

Wally blinked, the combined events of the last five minutes of conversation leaving him confused, bewildered, affronted and just a little insulted.

"So, am I still meant to be the Twins' brother?"

* * *

"So, we've got a problem."

Dick eyed Wally warily, noting that his friend was blurring at the edges in a way that suggested extreme discomfort or a sugar rush, neither of which could possibly lead to a comforting report.

Waiting patiently as he sat on Wally's bed, Wally himself pacing uncertainly, Dick gestured for him to continue.

"So..." Wally began slowly, pausing in his step as he examined his vocabulary for the best possible way to convey the fullest extent of his meaning. "They're nuts. Like, _all_ of them."

Dick blinked. Wally thought back and began to correct himself.

"Well, maybe not Haruhi, and Kyoya's at least reasonable... maybe Mori-senpai too. I'm not really sure about him, since he doesn't really talk much, but, yeah, the rest of'em are all nuttier than the Gotham Rogues Gallery."

Dick raised an eyebrow in response, prompting Wally to amend his statement.

"Okay, so these guys don't go out and kill people," he admitted before raising a finger in warning. " _Probably._ But they are _so_ disconnected from reality that it's actually kind of scary."

Dick frowned uncertainly, before asking, "And Fujioka?"

"Is being dragged into their insanity, completely and _totally_ against her will," Wally stated emphatically. He'd spoken to the girl for all of ten minutes and already this was abundantly clear. "If she had it her way, she'd spend all afternoon studying to make sure she keeps her scholarship. Luthor is _not_ using her for anything. Or if he is, she knows nothing about it."

"So," Dick's frown deepened. "We're here for nothing, then?"

"Absolutely," Wally nodded firmly. "We should pack up and get the hell out of here before Thursday."

Dick blinked. "Isn't that your debut as a Host?"

"Yes," Wally admitted shamelessly. "Trust me, if _you_ were the one doing the infiltrating, you'd be doing the exact same thing."

"Maybe I should," Dick offered hesitantly. "No offense, but you've only met with them twice. _Obviously_ they're not going to let you in on everything the second you're in the club."

"Unless there's nothing to be in on," Wally returned. "These guys are nuts, yes. But they're harmless nuts mostly."

He shrugged. "Anyway, Haruhi is _not_ using the Host Club to create a cabal to secretly take control of Japan. _Kyoya_ might be, but that's a whole n'other thing."

Dick frowned at this revelation. "And that doesn't concern you?"

"If he is, he doesn't need the Light's mind control tech to do it," Wally told him with a shrug. "And, you know, the rest of the Club seem pretty okay with it."

Dick blinked, before repeating slowly and with emphasis, "And that doesn't _concern_ you?"

Wally shrugged again. "A little, I guess. But if that's Kyoya's plan, I don't really know if we can stop them... it's not like he's doing anything illegal."

Dick began to rub his brow, coming to the troubling revelation that Wally might already be compromised. "Yeah, I think I'm going to try and join you in the Club."

He wondered if it would be too paranoid of him to get M'gann out here, just to be doubly sure that a little mental deprogramming wasn't necessary.

All the while, Wally simply shook his head. He knew that Dick would just have to see for himself how big a mistake he was making. He'd _tried_ to stop it, but he'd known Dick wouldn't want to let go of the mission without making a major bust. Dick would just have to see it for himself.

Hopefully he'd see it quickly and Wally could get out of here before the Green Lantern costume was finished.


	5. Chapter 5

Kid Flash was a sex symbol.

Wally had been forced to deal with this startling and somewhat disturbing concept ever since he first reached puberty and developed an interest in the opposite sex.

With the lean physique, tight clothing and heroic reputation, there weren't many a girl in Central City who _wasn't_ attracted to him. There were fansites and blogs dedicated _entirely_ to pictures of _him_.

Granted, there were others entirely that were dedicated to pictures of him and Robin _together_ but that was a totally different trauma.

Anyway, the point was that _Kid Flash_ was a sex symbol. But, once he took off the mask, Wally West was _not_.

He was too pale. His freckles were out of control. He wasn't that tall. His scars were freaky. His nose had healed just a _little_ off-centre after one too many face-plants into a wall. And, well, he kind of sucked at talking to girls.

Kid Flash had no problem with that. He could flirt like a modern day Casanova with anyone who caught his eye and _who cared_ if he got rejected? More often than not he had just saved the girl in question from mortal peril and he was gone by the time she'd actually caught her breath anyway.

But Wally had to actually wait for a response. Waiting was something he was _terrible_ at. And if she said 'no', Wally had to deal with it.

Wally wasn't very good at dealing with stuff either.

The point was, Wally had never quite been the Ladies Man he wished to be. And now that he'd officially joined a Host Club, he wasn't the Ladies Man he was _expected_ to be.

He was pretty sure that that was going to be a pretty major crimp in the plan.

And then there was the _uniform_ to contend with.

Despite appearances, the Kid Flash uniform was much less revealing than one might think. The thing was almost half an inch of kevlar at its thinnest point and incorporated several safety features such as a good degree of padding and a cup that kept Wally's modesty safely under wraps.

For a superhero, particularly one as physical as himself, anything less was just asking for pain.

The Green Lantern uniform the Host Club had supplied him with was a mockery. It was skin-tight. Actually, Wally was pretty sure that, given the amount of squeezing he'd had to go through just to get into the stupid thing, it was _tighter_ than that.

He'd always thought capes were stupid. He'd seen them as an accessory that was guaranteed to snag on something and result in a broken neck and, as such, not the best thing for a speedster to wear. Fine, he supposed, for an indestructible Kryptonian or a man who made use of fear, misdirection and intimidation in battle, but highly impracticable for one such as he. But, exposed as he was, he now saw their true value.

Kyoya was rather content in his uniform, his glasses foregone and his cape draped in such a way as to cover his entire body, which Wally could only assume was donned in a uniform just as tight as his own that Batman would _never_ wear. The man never went out in anything less than full armour plating.

Mori was also content. Not that he had anything to hide with his own cape billowing majestically in the slight breeze of the fan Tamaki had positioned for just that purpose. Honey ran between him and Kyoya, completely unashamed in his childish tunic, speedo and booties combo (a mockery of Robin's uniform that Wally would never let Dick forget) and giggling all the while as his cape flew out behind him.

Hikaru and Kaoru were posing to one another in their matching red and green outfits, each loading arrows into their bows and seeking out targets within the room. So far they had yet to actually shoot anything, but Wally had learned enough about them to suspect that it was only a matter of time.

Tamaki, meanwhile, was posing proudly in his Atlantean themed armour, a trident in his grip as he was given the chance to portray the King he saw himself as. Wally figured if he packed a bit more muscle on and grew a beard, he'd actually make a pretty convincing double for Arthur.

And, finally, Haruhi. Wally's green ensemble was fitting giving the envy he felt towards hers. A finely cut tuxedo, complete with white gloves and a top hat. It might have been a little morbid, given the fact that Nabu had stolen Mr. Zatara's body only months before, but the public was never made aware of that and Wally was alone in his discomfort. He just wished he had the same level of covering.

"Not bad," Renge had conceded upon her examination of them all. Why exactly she was currently dressed as Wonder Woman was something known only to herself. "You almost look like a superhero, West-senpai."

"...thanks."

When the doors were opened and the clients entered, Wally found himself swarmed.

Although the majority of the young women remained true to their regular Hosts, there were still a number who were all too willing to try something new.

Or, they were at first...

Wally tried. He _really_ did. He'd seen the other guys in action and almost all of them had given him some 'Hosting Tips' in the days previous, but none of it was doing any good.

He stumbled over his wording and forgot the lines he had been assured were idiotproof. Even when he _did_ remember them, he barely understood the flowery language and failed to deliver them properly. He was never sure which of the girls who had scheduled him to address and mixed up their names besides. When they asked for stories about his childhood with the Twins, his halfhearted tales of camping trips failed to impress.

All in all, he was being a very disappointing Host.

Tamaki was not impressed. Kyoya even less so, given that the likelihood of him having to offer a refund seemed imminent. Honey was distracted by his sweets, but Mori felt a pang of sympathy. Perhaps the Hero-type simply needed a 'Lovely Item' as well.

Haruhi perhaps would have been sympathetic if Wally had been forced into the position, as she had. Instead she could only wonder why he'd chosen to join the Club of his own free will.

Renge was feeling somewhat vindicated, but she wasn't all that happy about it.

Hikaru and Kaoru were _mortified_.

"This is embarrassing," Hikaru muttered, he and his brother just far enough from their guests that they wouldn't be heard while they picked out a new blend for the tea. "Why did we think this was a good idea again?"

Kaoru shrugged. Truthfully, they'd never thought that far ahead when they'd decided to claim West-senpai as their estranged brother. At the time they'd thought it'd be a funny day or two. They didn't expect Tamaki-senpai to get quite so attached to the idea and make a Host out of the American commoner.

"He's going to give us a bad name," Hikaru continued. "We need to put a stop to this, before..."

The Twins winced as one, almost forcing themselves to look away when West spilled his teapot over his guests.

"Before that happens?" Kaoru finished lamely.

"Well," Hikaru turned contemplative, gesturing with the bow in his hand towards West as he stood up and scrambled to hand the girls napkins to dab at the stains. "We could always..."

"Hmm," Kaoru did not disagree, simply continuing to observe as Hikaru drew an arrow with red fletching from the quiver on his back. Placing it into position, he drew back the bow.

The arrows were tipped with rubber, since Kyoya didn't trust them with live weapons. He was right not to, of course, but they still flew with considerable force. Had the arrow been aimed properly, at worst it might have fractured someone's skull. It could _definitely_ poke someone's eye out. Aiming for the body, it would cause some bruising, but not much besides.

But Hikaru _wasn't_ aiming properly. For all that he looked good with a bow in his arms, he'd never shot one in his life and was playing it entirely by ear. Kaoru decided it might be a bad idea all too late.

When he released his grip on the bowstring, at the same moment Kaoru released a shouted order to _stop_ , the arrow was destined to land hard in the back of one of West's last remaining clients.

And then something altogether spectacular happened.

Wally _moved_.

* * *

Tendo Mayumi dabbed desperately at her dress, trying and failing to use a napkin to prevent the tea from staining the material. Her latest excursion to the Host Club was _not_ going the way she had hoped.

Normally the boys were all so charming! Hikaru and Kaoru in particular were always so _flirtatious_ … Mayumi had hoped that their brother would be similar.

But _no_. Instead he had a Yankee accent, a dull attitude and couldn't even keep her name straight. Mayumi was hesitant to say if he even looked good in his cosplay given the way he remained hunched over on himself the whole time.

And then he'd spilled the tea and now she'd have to get another _dress_.

Forced to stand to get at the worst of the stain, Mayumi froze at the sound of Kaoru's cry, head turning too slowly to see.

All she knew was a blur of motion and force as a pair of strong arms encircled her tightly, sweeping her off balance, but supporting her nonetheless as she was pressed against a solid body. A masculine grunt sounded around her and her body was wracked by an impact, but she could not feel the source.

It was all over in less than a second. Mayumi opened her eyes and felt her heart flutter at the sight that greeted her.

Wallace-senpai ( _Wally_ , he'd insisted). Looking down at her, concern shining in emerald green eyes that so perfectly matched his domino mask, even as his brow was furrowed in pain.

"Are you okay, Mayumi?"

The sound of a wooden arrow clacking against the floor echoed in the otherwise silent room.

* * *

Wally breathed deeply, managing the pain of an arrow to the back as he held the girl (Mayumi? That was her name, right? _Please_ don't let him get the name wrong...) in his arms. He'd heard Kaoru's cry and turned just in time to see Hikaru firing his bow. All of a millisecond was dedicated to determining the flight path before he burst into action, taking the girl into his arms as he put himself between her and he arrow.

Had he been permitted to make use of his _true_ speed, that wouldn't have been required. It would've been _so_ much easier if he could just _catch_ the damn thing, but most people don't have those kinds of reflexes. He'd be pushing things enough already just to block it.

Wally took the arrow to the back, which blossomed into pain just below his left shoulder blade. It bounced off, but mother of science did that _hurt_. This costume offered _no_ protection!

And then he looked down into the girl's eyes.

"Are you okay, Mayumi?"

There was a hush throughout the room, but Wally only saw the girl nod meekly as he slowly brought her back to a standing position, his hands guiding her at her shoulder and waist.

His eyes shined with concern as she assured him she was okay and he promised to make it up to her in just a moment... his eyes blazed with fury as he turned them on the twins.

He strode towards them with his muscles tight in preparation for what was to come, offering quite the view to the clients in the room as he tensed in his skintight costume. Hikaru and Kaoru stood frozen in shock, Hikaru still holding the bow and Kaoru still leaning on his brother's shoulders in his failed attempt to stop him.

Quick as a whip, Wally's hand snaked out to tear the bow from Hikaru's arms. Without a word he lifted it high in both hands and brought it down over his knee, shattering it into pieces. Tossing the two halves aside, he glared into Hikaru's eyes.

"Kyoya," he spoke clearly, his voice reverberating throughout the room as his gaze never left Hikaru. "The Twins are _not_ to be given weapons ever again. I don't care if it's inflatable clubs, they don't go anywhere near them. Understood?"

"Perfectly," was Kyoya's sound reply.

"Wonderful," Wally snatched Kaoru's bow from his slackened grip as he turned back to face his clients.

"Here," he nodded in deference as he offered the bow to Mayumi. "I am _so_ sorry about my brothers. Sometimes, they get a little…"

He searched for a word, almost settling on 'insane' but a glance in Kyoya's direction showed him the other boy mouthing a very specific word. Wally frowned, hesitating for half a second, before saying what Kyoya directed.

"Sometimes they get… _jealous_ ," he explained to Mayumi and his other two clients. "I guess I haven't been spending enough time with them since I got here."

There was a flutter as the base temperature of his audience went up by a good five degrees.

* * *

Dick trusted Wally with his life. In battle, the only person he trusted more was Bruce. When it came to food, the only person he trusted more was Alfred. When it came to academics there was no one Dick considered to be a higher authority (excepting History and Literature of course).

Dick had known Wally for almost four years now, and he trusted him with _everything_. With his identity, his deepest insecurities, who he _liked_ … stuff that not even Bruce knew! (Alfred, of course, knew all… _unfortunately_ ).

But the one thing that Dick could _not_ trust… was Wally around girls. Well, that's not _entirely_ true. Dick _did_ trust Wally… to make a fool of himself. Every time.

He did it with Miss Martian. He did it with Artemis. He'd done it Black Canary and Wonder Woman and even random girls on the street. He _flirted_. He failed at it. He got self-conscious and anxious and paranoid and, well, made a fool of himself.

Now, Dick could admit that it wasn't _entirely_ Wally's fault. After the experiment when he was twelve, he'd been pulled from school for almost six months until he'd gotten his newfound speed under control. And after he got back, well, he had to spend most of his time either _training_ to be Kid Flash, actually _being_ Kid Flash or, in his free time, hanging out in Gotham with his new, totally _awesome_ best friend.

Adding in the fact that Wally had decided to protect his secret ID by playing the dork to the nth degree and the end result was that he was a complete non-entity at his high school. Meaning that he then spent the next three years only really interacting with girls as Kid Flash…

So… not a great way to learn social interaction.

And now? Now Dick couldn't trust that Wally would do his job in the Host Club. He was already _majorly_ stressed about being under such close scrutiny from their targets that adding a school's worth of pretty girls was a recipe that could only spell disaster.

There was a _reason_ why it had been _Dick's_ job to infiltrate the Club. And after Wally's freakout after his first appearance, well, it was Dick's duty to go in there and try and smooth things over.

Thus, his current course of action.

Join the Host Club!

"No thank you."

Dick blinked owlishly. This had _not_ been his plan. "…what?"

"While I understand your desire to join our _noble_ ranks, young squire," Tamaki Suoh delivered his lines as though he were performing Shakespeare upon the world's stage. "But I can only mentor _so_ many lost souls, and with my attention already so _desperately_ needed by the commoners, my dearest Haruhi and the Hitachiin's _beloved_ West-kun, I am afraid that I have none to spare for one such as you, who lacks even a proper character archetype to call your own."

"But fear not, my young friend," he continued. "If your heart is pure and you persevere, then one day I may well take you under my wing and allow you to call me 'king'."

Dick shifted a little uncomfortably, before glancing around Suoh to see the remainder of the Host Club behind him all watching on with varying degrees of interest. Otori seemed the least distracted, even with the bulk of his attention taken by his laptop, whilst Morinozuka paid him absolutely no mind while whispering something to the younger-looking Haninozuka who… was glaring fiercely in Dick's direction?

Fujioka seemed completely uninterested as she kept her eyes on the notebook Wally had lent her (one he had brought from America so that she could practice her English skills) and Wally himself… gaped, open mouthed, in completely undisguised horror.

And the twins?

"In other words, _American_ ," one of them intoned smugly. "We've already _got_ a Boy-Lolita."

"And the Naughty-Boy type really didn't work out too well the last time we tried it," the other continued. " _Maybe_ you could've been a Foreigner…"

"But now we've got Wally for that," the first finished, gesturing towards the seated American in their midsts.

Realisation dawned as Dick Grayson felt the truth of it all rush in on him all at once. Wally was right. This group was completely and utterly _insane_.

Oh… how was he going to explain this to _Batman?_


End file.
